[Opening: Fade-in to Nicole Sullivan on the Mad TV set, wearing
a black leather jacket. She begins her monologue.][Opening: Fade-in to Nicole Sullivan on the Mad TV set, wearing
a black leather jacket. She begins her monologue.]
Nicole Sullivan: Hi. My name is Nicole Sullivan.
(Applause.) I want to tell you about the first time I read
Mad Magazine. I was eight years old, and it was in the waiting
room of the child psychology department at the free clinic. It was, uh...
shortly after my father's, um...accident. Social services told my mom that
maybe I should talk to someone, and I told the puppets that...I told them
that my brother didn't know the gun was loaded. And I remember I was sitting
in the waiting room, and all the other kids were reading "Spy Vs. Spy" and
laughing. All I could think was, "Run, Daddy! Run! No, Billy! Please! Oh,
God! Oh, God!" (Pause.) I don't want to be here. I want to be
on Friends. No, no, really. Watch, watch. I can do this. Oh
gee, Rachel, I would love some more coffee. Ha ha ha. Chandler, you're so
funny. See? See? I can do this. I want cute outfits and maybe a guitar...
like Phoebe. (Another pause.) I don't feel safe here. I don't
want to drink cappucino with Phil or Artie or any of these people. But
here I am. Let's go, Mad-TV! Right? I mean...right?
[She turns away from the camera and slowly walks away as the scene fades out.]
Download this monologue in AVI movie format (2 minutes 26 seconds; 3.4 MB)